I have been absolutely spoiled by having CarPlay head units. You get navigation with live traffic data, all your music/podcasts, phone calls, and text messages/whatsapp messages sent straight to your car's stereo with Siri integration. I went with the Pioneer 1400NEX ( https://amzn.to/2US8yNx ), which I also had in my beater Honda Fit before it was replaced with a Prius. 

So it looks like I was wrong about the new motor having a blown head gasket. It looks like through a series of almost unbelievable coincidences, I actually just had THREE bad #4 spark plug wires, and the exhaust will still full of dried-on coolant from the original motor that legitimately DID have a blown head gasket. The plug wire caused the misfire, and the dried on coolant billowing from the exhaust made me obviously think "This thing is burning coolant, must have a blown head gasket".  It looks like I was wrong. 

I'm going to cautiously go about fixing things on the car while I slowly build up to about 500 gentle miles on it to break the clutch in, then I'll drive it like I stole it for a bit to make sure it's going to hold up, then it's time for boost. 

Here's a video of me saying the same thing with words instead of letters on a screen. 

So, basically my “new” motor has a blown head gasket. I’m debating between just replacing the head gasket and trying to get my motor replaced. I’ll update this post later when I feel like typing more.